I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
