Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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