I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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