i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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