im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
