Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
