The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
