I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
