Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
