She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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