I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
