You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
