so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
