one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
