I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
