u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
