The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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