haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
