I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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