all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
