My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
