she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found puke in my bra..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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