youre lurking in front of me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
