piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
