It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
