remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
