I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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