I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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