I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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