Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
