nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
