Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
