I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
