I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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