when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the condom got lost in my hair
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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