I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Plan B is the new Plan A
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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