The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
