You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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