the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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