I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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