It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
