dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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