The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
