Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
