so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
