I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
