Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
