Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
