Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
