yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
